A CCD Rant by Mike D: Hey Fanboys & Fellow Internet Blowhards: Leave Michael Bay Alone!!!

Hehehehe... I know that the title of my upcoming rant ALONE is enough to make nerds everywhere spill their Red Bull all over their wireless keyboards as they gasp in horror. Plus, I think I just heard Jeff Bond drop dead of a heart attack at his job, and possibly an earthquake from the explosion of anger from Kristen Grillo out on the West Coast!!! But before I get into my latest rant, let me preface this by saying something right off the bat: 


I, Michael DeVito, am not a Bay apologist and could give a fuck less what he does as a professional. 

I am simply writing this rant because while most internet Fan boys & self proclaimed 'GEEKS' who should be more intelligent than they appear to be need to shut the fuck up. Stop blaming Michael Bay for all the problems that happen in the adaptions he is a part of. Transformers may not be your cup of tea, but it certainly wasn't made by Bay himself. Now there is this flap about what Bay said about the new TMNT movie that will contain Turtles that are of an "alien" origin. Hey gang, I got news for you: If this is true, it PROBABLY WASN'T BAY'S IDEA IN THE FIRST PLACE , NOR IS IT HIS IDEA ALONE!!!! What the fuck is wrong with you people?

Click after the jump for the rest of this rant...

 This is a multi million dollar movie production based on a BILLION dollar comic/cartoon/toy/movie line. How the fuck can you blame any choices in the film solely on Michael Bay. You need a few arguments to see why Michael Bay shouldn't be blamed for all this shit? Here ya go...

First of all, he is a producer on the movie. Kind of like the overseerer. He in fact has little to do with the direction of the script and the performance of the actors. None actually. That kind of stuff falls on the screenwriters, the casting directors, and the directors. Not the fucking producer. Just cause he is the one who mentioned it doesn't mean it's his wish. He is after all only the producer, right? The reason why I say this is because people often malign Bay for his interpretation of The Transformers (on which he was the director), yet give Steven Spielberg a pass on his involvement in The Transformers because he was just the producer. How come Spielberg gets the pass, but now when Bay is in the role of producer it is his fault? The producer does have influence on picking the director, screenwriter, and the cast... so one may want to blame Bay for picking a gang that would fuck with the Turtles origin. But to blame HIM as the guy who is tinkering with the story while the people who ARE ACTUALLY fucking with said origin get a pass just seems a bit silly. If Spielberg gets no blame for Transformers, stay consistent when Bay is now in the producer seat. Just cause Bay is an easy target doesn't mean you have to shoot at him, ya dig?

Original Issue #1

Next lets talk about the franchise itself. The turtles are beloved. I get that. No prob there. But lets be honest about THIS particular franchise. When Eastman & Laird brought the Turtles to us in comic format they were lean, mean fighting machines. The comic was gritty, brutal, the turtles wore the same red bandannas, and black & white. People got hurt & killed in every issue, violence was rampant, and the characters weren't very cheery. THAT IS THE REALITY OF THE ORIGINAL COMIC. Trust me, I am an ORIGINAL fan. Yet when the late 80s cartoon was made, they jettisoned all of this for colorful bandannas, cooky catch phrases, and goofy hi jinks. That worked out well, as Eastman & Laird signed off on the whole thing and it made a shit ton of cash!!! The franchise grew huge, spawning toys, live action movies, and spin off cartoons. Yet at the end of the day people easily forget how much was CHANGED from the original to the incarnation we know best. I have NEVER ONCE heard a complaint over those changes... yet now cause Bay is involved the story needs to be exact? Come the fuck on... if anything, this new Bay produced version promises to emulate the original darker comic series more. So instead of applauding the resurrection of the true styles of the characters, we are crying over one small detail. Seems a bit silly when you think of it like that, no?

I bet you don't remember Leonardo the Decapitator  from the cartoon either...smh!

And that brings me to Eastman & Laird, the original CREATORS of the characters and owners of the rights. Both have spoken out on the topic of Bay's alien origin comments, and while their opinions vary they both seem to side with Michael Bay. Eastman said he loves everything he has seen so far from the remake and thinks Bay & the gang are doing a smashing job getting the franchise back to its roots. Laird was a bit less enthusiastic, but did say that he trust Bay & co completely and  that maybe we should wait to see just how drastic these changes are before we call Bay a traitor. So let me get this straight: The two guys who own teh rights to the billion dollar franchise and created the characters from scratch are OK with it, but the'Net dwelling trolls with no objectivity are against it.... Hmmmm, I think I'll go with the creators on this one. Not really a tough choice. I have long defended Lucas, not for the changes he has made but more for the fact that THEY WERE HIS CHOICES TO MAKE!!! His property, his characters, his changes. You don't like that? Create your own fucking billion dollar property!!! Then you can do whatever you want. If Eastman & Laird are collecting checks and seem to be A-OK with this proposed alien origin, who the fuck are YOU to question them? Spend less time complaining and more time getting your OWN ideas on paper so you can make some money...

Look at these two goofs. they are multi millionaires because of anthropomorphic turtles. if they are OK with changes, why aren't you? They are laughing all the way to the bank.... 

Finally, stop over analyzing every little thing about everything. It's corny now. Yes, I run a pop culture blog. And yes, some of the stuff that we cover here appears on a billion other blogsites across the 'Net. But I have made a conscious effort to use CCD to promote interesting & under promoted projects instead of all the mainstream stories, especially months in advance of the films even releasing. While I am eagerly awaiting films like The Dark Knight Rises, The Avengers, and The Hunger Games, I haven't posted a billion things about them because it ruins the anticipation. How many international trailers featuring 2 seconds of new shots do you need to watch? How many stories about who Joesph Gordon Levitt will be in the Batman movie do I have to endure? Just wait till the movie is almost out, or at least complain about CONFIRMED things. Leave the reporting to sites like /Film and Ain't it Cool News, who have real sources and access to sets long before a movie comes out. Save the speculation & criticism for after YOU SEE THE FILM. That way your complaints will have a certain validity & you won't sound like the whiny over 30 year old  babies you guys probably are.

In closing, I say this:

Do something creative on your blogs...like post pics of hot up and coming celeb chicks, celebrate the music of the Wu Tang Clan, or reminisce about 80's Toys (Like CCD Baby!!!!)... or rant like this. Leave Michael Bay alone. He has enough money & power in Hollywood to not give a fuck. But if one of you trolls read this and see the light. Then my work here is done!!!!

Trailer Trash Talkin': 1981 or Bust by Kristen Grillo

Oh hello.  What’s this?  What do we have here, you ask?  Another installment of Trailer Trash Talkin’?  FROM 1981 YOU SAY?!   Well burn my clothes….

Now, the issue I seem to have with trailers from the 80s is that they’re put together in such a way; it’s like completing a really shitty puzzle.  After you finish it, you have no idea what to make of it.  There’s just no god damn reward.  For example, watch this doozy starring a handsome Dennis Quaid, a young Kristy McNichol (Best known, in my mind, as Barbara from the 80s TV show Empty Nest) and Luke Skywalker…..er, um… I mean Mark Hamill.

The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia – June 5^th, 1981

Starring Dennis Quaid, Kristy McNichol, Mark Hamill

Directed by Ronald F. Maxwell (known for crap, according to IMDB).

“He’s got the talent.  She’s got the brains.  Together, they’re one mean team.”

That’s nice.  That could mean anything.  He probably sings the best songs about loving guys!  Yea!  And she probably has the best brains when it comes to givin’ discounted lap dances at the local doohickey!  Alright!  Hey, maybe I’d see that movie instead….

The film’s title apparently has been lifted from a 1972 hit song, which isn’t even featured in the film.  It was actually rewritten and re-recorded instead.  A useless fact for all you sharp tacks out there….

 Moving on….released that same week was another installment from some classic stoners….yep you guessed it (yea, probably not)….Cheech & Chong!

Cheech & Chong’s Nice Dreams – June 5^th, 1981

Starring Cheech Marin, Tommy Chong, & Sandra Bernhard?  Listed as “Girl Nut”  ß Haha!

Directed by Tommy Chong

This trailer is more of a TV spot preview.  Couldn’t find an actual theatrical trailer.  But still, if I was 30 in 1981 (and how I wish I was)….and I saw this on my TV….I wouldn’t know what to make of it.  I mean really!  What’s going on here?  Do YOU know? Really?!  Yes, really. 

And that’s that.  Do you remember any of these films?  How do you think they would fair in today’s box office?  Let us hear your rambles!  Praise be to Jesus!  And all of those born in the glorious year of 1981.

Trailer Trash Talkin': 1981 or Bust by Kristen Grillo

Trailer Trash Talkin’: 1981 Or Bust!

So in case you missed it last week, CCD is allowing me to introduce you to the good, the bad, and the god awful movie trailers of 1981.  Every week we’ll go back in time and see what was playing in theaters 30 years ago.  My, my how times have changed.  Or….haaaave they?  Have you SEEN the disgraceful remakes that have been announced lately?

Now get a load’a these gems that were released this week in 1981…

Outland – May 22^nd, 1981

Starring Sean Connery, Peter Boyle, Frances Sternhagen

Directed by Peter Hyams

There’s some chatter that this movie is set to be remade this year.  How surprising.  I’ve never seen this film.  And now I want to….before a shitty remake is made.  Hello, Netflix Queue!

Check out some of these taglines too:

1. “On Jupiter’s moon, something deadly is happening.”  - (Is that so…)
2. “Even in space, the ultimate enemy is man.”  - (When I looked quick, I swear it said “enema”).
3. “On lo, one of Jupiter’s moons, Sean Connery is the law.” 

Now… replace Sean Connery with……Channing Tatum!  (Gross).

Bustin’ Loose – May 22^nd, 1981

Starring Richard Pryor, Cicely Tyson

Directed by Oz Scott

The trailer quality is terrible but it was the only one available.  Please forgive me.  And YouTube.

While you’re at it, forgive Richard Pryor.  This film looks like pure crap.

The Four Seasons – May 22^nd, 1981

Starring Alan Alda, Carol Burnett

Directed by Alan Alda

This film got a rating of 7 out of 10 stars on IMDB.  Let’s go to the video tape….

Surprisingly, I enjoyed this trailer.  If this movie was (re)made today, it’d probably be casted with young, attractive people and would include awful cheesy antics as an attempt to be cute and relatable.  (Katherine Heigl anyone?) 

And that’s that.  Do you remember any of these films?  How do you think they would do in today’s box office?  Let us know!  And God bless all….who were born…in 1981.

Trailer Trash Talkin': 1981 or Bust! by Kristen Grillo

Thirty Years Ago…..in a wormhole far, far away… Thirty years ago, my mother had the greatest gift she was ever going to receive in her life… percolating inside her belly. If you guessed indigestion……well you’re WRONG! I’m talkin’ about ME!

That’s right friends. This old broad will be turning 30 in August. With that, an interesting thought had come to mind. I wondered, “What movies were coming out RIGHT NOW but thirty years ago right now”? Sure you have some great classics like Escape From New York and Raiders of The Lost Ark, etc. But forget about the good for a second. What about the bad and the ugly? So, I decided to start looking up trailers of all sorts of films from thirty years ago. Movies I’ve seen but never really saw the trailer (because you know, at this time thirty years ago, I didn’t have eyes yet) or even trailers of films I never even heard of. The search has been pretty interesting.

Since we’re already into the 5th month here, I figured I’d start off with trailers of films that were released during the week of May15th, 1981 and then after the fun stuff, I’ll have a list of honorable mentions of films that were released from January – April. Cause after all, there were twelve months in 1981. Do you remember?…..

Take This Job And Shove it – May 15th, 1981
Starring Robert Hayes, Barbara Hershey

Kinda sounds like what I want to tell my job right now… The trailer is quite unclear but….you’ll get the idea.


I’ve never seen this film. By the looks of the trailer, there doesn’t look like much of a plot. These people just want the day off!

Happy Birthday To Me – May 15th, 1981
Starring Melissa Sue Anderson, Glenn Ford, Tracy E. Bregman

A great classic!



My favorite part is when the cake gets the ax! Imagine if they remade this movie now? It’d be god awful! ::cough cough:: Fright Night ::

And that’s that. So, have you seen either of these films? Let us know! And God bless all….who were born…in 1981. J

Honorable Mentions:
January 1981

January, 1 Scanners
January, 1 My Dinner With Andre (1981)
January, 1 Death Hunt
Jaunary, 1 Fort Apache, The Bronx
January, 1 The Private Eyes
January, 1 Roar
January, 1 The Devil and Max Devlin
January, 30 The Incredible Shrinking Woman

February 1981

February, 11 Sphinx
February, 11 Le dernier métro
February, 13 Sunday Lovers
February, 13 The Dogs of War
February, 13 Eyewitness
February, 13 American Pop
March 1981

March, 6 All Night Long
March, 6 On the Right Track
March, 13 The Funhouse
March, 13 Modern Romance
March, 13 Back Roads
March, 15 Confidence (1981)
March, 20 The Final Conflict
March, 20 Amy
March, 20 Kelly
March, 20 Cutter's Way
March, 20 The Postman Always Rings Twice
March, 27 Thief
March, 27 Eyes of a Stranger

April 1981


April, 10 This is Elvis
April, 10 From Mao to Mozart
April, 10 The Howling
April, 10 Going Ape!
April, 10 Excalibur
April, 10 Nighthawks
April, 17 Improper Channels
April, 17 Caveman
April, 24 Beyond the Reef
April, 24 Cattle Annie and Little Britches
April, 24 The Hand
April, 24 Second-Hand Hearts
April, 30 Friday the 13th Part 2

Trailer Trash Talking #10 - Friends With Benefits by Kristen Grillo

Friends With Benefits – New Trailer: Release Date: July 22, 2011.

Justin Timberlake, Mila Kunis, Emma Stone, Patricia Clarkson, Woody Harrelson

I know. You’re just as confused as I am, right? You’re sittin’ there in your little house dress.... scratchin’ your hairy chin and saying to yourself, “didn’t this movie come out already?!”


Well you know it did. And I know it did. But I don’t think the sheeple of Hollywood think you know and I know that they know it did but they just don’t care. So now what?

The really bizarre thing here will be that, regardless of this cinematic repeat parrot, chances are it will do annoyingly well at the box office. Presumably because (in my best cornish, Zoolander impression) of it’s really, really, ridiculously good looking leading starlets. Chicks also tend to eat this corny fake romance crap up while guys will tolerate it and go see it in hopes to get a sneak peak of Kunis’ snack sacks. 89.7% (yes this is an accurate figure!) of my male friends admitted to seeing Black Swan because they wanted to see Portman and Kunis dine out on each other. Not that there is anything wrong with this but…I’m sure you get my point.

Another thing that ruffles my feathers is that the additional talent that is involved in this movie is confusing to me. Woody Harrelson and Richard Jenkins? Who the hell convinced these “way too overqualified” people to add this tasteless crap to their resumes? Maybe I’ll consider the whole “they didn’t know a similar film was being made” excuse, which I really don’t believe either because everyone knows what everyone is doing in this business. Or they felt like “trying something different.” But really, all you need to see is Justin Timberlake being airlifted by a helicopter in a straight jacket to know that this movie is going to be an absolute waste of $12+ bucks. Too bad this shit isn’t being released on April Fool’s Day. Then I’d totally be in on the joke.

We Live Blogged The Oscars On Facebook... Yes We Did!!!

Last night both Jeff Bond and myself logged into the Mike CCD Facebook page and live-blogged the shit out of the Oscars. We were joined by CCD contributors Joey Esq & Kristen Grillo. In case you missed the literally hundreds of comments we posted, here are a few highlights.

Mike D's Best Lines:

1. Ok Halle Berry, enough of all the Lena Horne talk... just go all Swordfish and show us them titties!!!
2. Glad they showed Leslie Nielson as Enrico Palatzzo in the montage.
3. Holy shit... someone do Mr. Douglas a favor and cut off the flow of gaseous hydrogen that is keeping him cryogenically frozen in an upright position.... god!!!
4. Bob Hope with the Jew/Hollywood joke for the win...
5. I hope Banksy wins and comes up on stage to spray paint Oprah's face while wearing a monkey mask.
6. Did that black dude just say Lose Yourself from 8 Mile was his movie song ever? Get the fuck outta here....
7. The lady accepting the costume award for Alice In Wonderland is wearing Jerking Off gloves... no need to wipe off the hands when you are wearing those puppies.
8. Inception sweeps the sound category "Brahmmmmmm"... why are all these guys sucking off Chris Nolan so bad "Brahhhhhhhhmmmmmm"... They did there own job, they deserve their own credit "BRAHHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMM"
9. Trent Reznor sold out... he ain't fucking anybody like an animal anymore...he is walking the line now.
10. Mila Kunis should have made a short film called "How to Train Your Lesbian Ballerina Partner" with subtitles from when she goes down on Portman... Just saying
11. Just wish that one of these winners would come out and be like "To all you other nominees... suck it, we the best, all we do is win, win, win, win, win (DJ Khaled voice)"
12. Melissa Leo just channeled a bit of Jacke from 227 at the end of her speech... wtf???

And now Jeff Bond:

1. Mila-kun this, please!!!
2. Wait a minute ....Isn't Kirk Douglas dead?!
3. Fister? I hardly know her!
4. Hope Anne Hathaway never winds up looking like her mom.
5. Fully grown? You said it Mila.
6. A sea urchin is eating Cate Blanchett
7. HBC is starting to look like her dog, Tim Burton.
8. We love us some Randy Newman. When did he get Downe Syndrome?
9. Ah, the death toll up next!
10. Hillary Swank is all teeth.
11. Whoa! Jennifer Lawrence. Good Googily Moogily.
12. From the Onion: "Stay tuned for the official Republican rebuttal to the #Oscars shortly after the show"

And some of Joe & KMG's highlights:

Joe:

1. Umm Sandra, Jesse Eisenberg didn't ACTUALLY invent Facebook.
2. Wrap it up, Padme.
3. Annette Benning is sporting the ill Paulie D blowout!
4. I'm legitimately confused... Lena Horne paved the way for black performers how? She looks pretty white to me.
5. What are the odds Kirk Douglas will have been added to that list (the dead actors list) by the time they get back from commercial?
6. You named your daughter Bronty? Is she real fat?
7. Looks like they found a dress to force some of Oprah's belly fat up into her bust. Ugh.
8. Wheeeee! Autotune jokes! Its 2008!
9. YOU APPLAUD WHEN SOMEONE SAYS THE NAME GEORGE LUCAS YOU HOLLYWOOD MONKEYS!
10. I didn't hear anything McConahoweveryouspellit said over the SOUND of Scarlett Johansen's sexiness. MING!
11. Know who loses the achievement in costume design award? Whoever dressed Ms. Blanchett.
12. Kirk Douglas can't even speak and he's killing.

And Kristen:

1. Who dat? James Blunt? (Talking about the director of The King's Speech Tom Hooper)
2. I think her water just broke.
3. Is James Franco dying as the night goes on?
4. Oprah??!! The fuck you doin' here lady! The color purple was 27 years ago!
5. Spaceyyyyyy! You so crasey!
6. Look at Reese and her strong chin!
7. Josh Brolin: YOU GOONIE!!!
8. Melissa Leo: giving her best performance of her career right now!
9. Spit it out you old bastard! (talking to Kirk Douglas)
10. Hugh Jackman: My uterus is your lair.
11. Keith Urban.....you tiny!
12. Damn, I look good in the future. (Talking about her look-alike, Sandra Bullock)

Great fun... check us out on Facebook by clicking here. Love you guys!!!! Mad fun, looking forward to doing it LIVE next year (good call KMG, next year we make history!!!!)

Trailer Trash Talking - Vol#8 by Kristen Grillo

Paranormal Activity 2: Directed by Tod Williams.  Release Date: October 22, 2010.

Hitting the internet scene this week and causing quite the quiff was the teaser trailer to the sequel of Paranormal Activity. Who even knew a second one was being made…and so soon! 

To my surprise, I actually like the teaser.  When I hit play, I already felt like I was being duped into watching those ghey (yet so, so cruel) video email pranks where you’re watching ducks swim in a pond and some exorcist, creep face mother-bitcher pops up and starts screamin’ maniacally in your grill piece until.  So anyway, I’m watchin’ the teaser and I immediately start to creep down at my desk.  And I’m creepin’ lower and lower….peepin’ one eye above a pile of paperwork to see what shit’s going to scream in my face next.  And well…..just check it out for yourself…..

While there really  isn’t much to go on here, like whose in it,  you can't deny that it still captures that creepy, eerie, watching with a blanket over your head sort of feel that the first film gave you.  The dog.  The baby in the crib! (::gasp:: oh no!)   The mirror doors in the bedroom & that sexy green mood lighting.  Chances are it won’t be extraordinary but it sure will be fun.  And just in time for the best holiday ever….Halloween!

KMG’s Anticipation Grade:  B

Trailer Trash Talk Volume #4 by Kristen Grillo

Buried. Starring Ryan Reynolds

 Release Date: October 8, 2010

When I first heard of this film being viewed at Sundance back in January, I didn’t think much of it. An unknown director (Rodrigo Cortés) was attached. It’s only well known lead was that of Ryan Reynolds. And the basic synopsis of “a man being buried alive” really didn’t leave much of an impression. “Big deal”, I thought. Like that’s never been done before. But reading a preview and actually viewing one can deliver two very different reactions. Most of the time when you read a movie’s synopsis it always sounds better than it actually is. With Buried the results for me couldn’t be more contrary. Mind you, this is a fucking TEASER trailer. It’s 1:10 long and it’s really all I need to make a sure decision that I want to see this film. Successfully, the trailer has sold me in record time. I wish there was a way to convince the film’s producers to keep this teaser as its only form of advertisement for the next five months. Any more reveal, and all its obscurity will start to deflate like a 60 year old pair of snack sacks. See for yourself:

(Sound is low. Turn the volume up.)



In case you’re not as impressed as I am, keep in mind the following: While the whole “buried alive” premise is surely nothing original, in my opinion it’s never been convincingly done before. Usually there is some sort of “gore, zombie terror” tied into it or some strange revenge plot that allows lazy writers to rely on the idea of being buried alive rather than incorporating it into an intelligent story. With Buried being independently financed and filled with mostly unknowns, the only way this movie COULD garnish attention is with an attractive tale to tell. That being said, the trailer leaves me with the uncomfortable desire of wanting to know more. I have to say, I’m itchin’ with anticipation here. I just hope I’m not hyping myself up into disappointment. Cause that certainly has been done before. Your thoughts? Let ‘em fly, kids.

Buried: Anticipation Grade: B