Introducing: Reality Check by Kate Jones

A few years ago I could care less about keeping up with much television. I picked a few shows that I thought were worth keeping up with, like Alias and Lost, but I cared more about being social (code- I was going out and getting drunk with my friends). Then in 2005, I met my future husband Rich, which awoke a sweeping desire to stay home more often. Still, we didn’t watch anything consistently (except Lost- don’t worry, Goldblum!) until the heavenly day when we moved into our own apartment and got…DVR! With this handy device, Rich and I slowly started watching anything that piqued our interest. We would watch Survivor when we were home and it was on, so now we taped Survivor. Same with Amazing Race and the Biggest Loser. Our summer belongs to Big Brother. When we’re bored, we watch MTV and VH1 Reality. It has come to a point where this stuff ALMOST outweighs the comedy and drama that we have always loved.

All of that being said, we watch reality television solely for entertainment. It is intriguing to watch groups of people, most who have never met each other, in various situations that show what they will do with money or fame on the line. The lying, the cheating, the stealing, the hiding, the fighting, the physical strain, the plastic surgery… these people will do almost anything!

Now, I’m going to be talking about a few different kinds of reality television. First- Network Reality Television. This is usually the least trashy and most inspiring kind of reality show. These are competitions like my personal favorites, The Amazing Race, Survivor and The Biggest Loser, as well as America’s Next Top Model, Hell’s Kitchen, American Idol, and sometimes The Bachelor, Bachelorette and those Dance and Talent shows. Actually, most Bravo Reality shows are also in this category.

The second type of show revolves around families of one way or another. “Keeping Up With the Kardashians”, “The Girls Next Door” and any show like that from E! Also, anything having to do with exploiting your tiny, beautiful children, in true Jon & Kate fashion, will be covered in this category.

The third type is the most fascinatingly, simultaneously funny yet trashy mess that is known as MTV & VH1 Reality programming. No matter what I do, I can’t tear my eyes away from the “Love” shows and “Tool Academy.” It is all a horrible and awesome mess. Words can’t even describe the way that I feel about “Jersey Shore.” I can’t tell if I hate these people or if I am in some strange way totally infatuated with them. Also in this category is any show that happens to be on Fox Reality Channel. Have you ever seen “Battle of the Bods?” Arrogant and delusional women lead to a funny half hour.

Whether you share my love of this so called reality or not, I hope that you enjoy my future ramblings. I'll be checking in weekly to discuss the shows I love, and would love to hear you comments about Reality TV. Also, please click the Follow button on the right and become followers on C-C-D and Twitter.  Happy Viewing!!!!!!

SNL Throwback Of The Week #5 2/27/2010

I am a huge Saturday Night Live fan. One of my earliest memories was of my parents watching SNL every Saturday while we were tucked in our bedrooms, and sometimes being allowed to watch for a bit. The show has gone through its ups and downs over its 35 year run, but the fact that it is still on the air after 35 years is a testament to the staying power of the show. Lorne Michaels is a genius at finding and developing young, comedic talent. SNL has produced a bevy of stars over the years, from Eddie Murphy to Tina Fey. The show is doing well again thanks to Ms. Fey and the rest of the team, but I love watching clips from the old shows. Every Saturday I will give you guys one of my favorites. This weeks clip features Rachel Dratch as Debbie Downer. Its a birthday party for Ben Affleck, and everybody is having a great time... except Debbie. She never has any fun. So we get some funny, awardward scenes here between her and the rest of the partygoers. Pretty funny if you ask me. Affleck is always funny when he guest stars. Hope you enjoy the clip. Live from my livingroom, it's Saturday Night!!!

Chad "Ochocinco" Johnson Is The Funniest Man In The NFL (And Maybe The World)

I am a huge sports fan... if the game involves a ball, I usually love it. Football is one of my favorite. Although there are plenty of football players that regular people recognize, most average "non-fans" don't know what they look like because they always are on the field with helmets on. Chad Johnson is a very personable guy, and he is also extremely talented. So after he began to make a name for himself in the NFL as a star reciever, he became discouraged by the fact that nobody recognized him off the field. So he divised a plan to make EVERYONE notice him. He began to celebrate his touchdowns, but he did not go with the average ball spike and high 5 that most guys use. He went out there... way out there. He began a career of making himself a spectacle everytime he scored, and not only that he made himself a spectacle... he was fucking hilarious in doing it. I just watched him on Mike n Mike over at ESPN, and his interview was great. His interviews are always great. Sure, most people think he is a pompous asshole who talks way to much crap, but that is not the case. Chad is just all about having fun. He knows that he is lucky, one of the .0001% of all people that play football in their lives to make it to the NFL. He has been rewarded with millions of dollars and fame. So he plans on enjoying it, and thats what he does. He has never been in trouble with the law, never had incidences of drug or alcohol violations, and even his celebrations never really rub it in to his competitors. He has fun... WTF is so wrong with that??? Roger Goodell, the NFL commissioner, has fined Chad 100's of times (see the pic above)... but he does not care about fines. They go to charity, so he feels like its all for a good cause. So he keeps acting like only he can, then cuts the check after he is done. Below is a clip of some of his celebrations throughout his career. It's set to Kayne West's "Stronger" and gives you just how funny Ochocinco can be. My favorite is when he breaks into a full on Riverdance after scoring a touchdown. But thats not the best part... he actually studied Irish folkdancing for 3 weeks before he busted his moves out during a game!!! If your gonna do something, do it right. Enjoy the clip and remember: You Gotta Have Fun At What You Do!!!!!

Fuck Canada Pt. 2: You Can Pay For School, But You Can't Buy Class

Last week we ran a story about the USA Mens Hockey team winning it's first game against Canada in 50 years. It was in a non-medal prelimenary game, but when you upset the best team in the Olympics you deserve some credit. Today the USA plays Finland & Canada plays Slovakia in the semi-final games, setting up a possible gold medal game rematch if the USA and Canada can win this weekend. But last night, Canada gave us just another reason to hate our little sibilings from The Great White North. It happened on the ice, but it was the womens hockey teams from Canada that has everybody here in the USA mad as hell.

Last night was the gold medal game between USA and Canada, and it was a defense struggle. After two first period goals from 18 year old wunderkind Marie Philip Poulin, both the USA and Canada tightened up defensively and  the game finish with that same score, 2-0 in favor of Canada. The Canadians accepted their gold medals graciously. Then they left the ice to celebrate in their locker room. About 30 minutes later they were asked to return to the ice for photos... and thats where the bad behavior started.

The Canadian women returned to the ice wearing their gold medals around their necks, but they were also carrying booze and tobacco. Yup, on the ice... at the Fucking Olympics. This is not some celebratory champagne done all classy to toast the team. They were swigging Molson outta cans, pounding magnums of champagne like a Lil Wayne video, and puffing on cigars while acting crazy... sliding all over the ice and being rediculous.

 Now, I'm all for celebration... but COME ON!!! This is the Olympics for fucks sake. Swigging beer on the ice wearing your gold medal??? Thats just trashy. The worst part about the whole thing is that they were supposed to win. Granted, the USA is a quality opponent and the rest of the Women's Hockey field sucked. But Canada was the overwhelming favorite going in to the Olympics. Then you have Team Canada's star, Poulin, who is only 18.

While the legal drinking age in her hometown of Alberta is 18, in Vancouver it is 19. So you have trashy canadian ice hockey players doing their best fat-guy-at-a-poker-game imitations, sucking down cans of beer and puffing cigars... and they are doing it with a underage player. Great job.... so much for Olympic pride and sportsmanship. Now I really hope the USA gets to play Canada in the Men's Gold Medal Final this weekend, and I hope they kick their ass again. Canada may have invented the sport of hockey, but they need a few lessons on etiquette after victory. Lets go USA!!!! Kick those Cannucks right in the sack.... Get that gold medal!!!

Lost Recap Season 6 Episode 5 'Lighthouse' by Jeff Bond

I've been writing LOST episode recap blogs on my own for years now. Posting them everywhere from my large email friend-base to Myspace, to Lost board websites, to Facebook, to the blog site's of other friendly 'Losties'. This season I am honored to be posting the remaining recaps EXCLUSIVELY for Cultural Compulsive Disorder!!! Join me there each week for my futile Lost TV show ramblings, but tune in daily, no....hourly, for an endless array of movie, TV, music, comic book, fashion, and general geek-dom that Mr. Mike D provides. Take a moment right now to make C.C.D one of your favorites, and please become a follower of the blog. Just click follow over on the right hand side, sign in using one of the accounts provided (Google, Aol IM, Yahoo, etc) and watch your picture pop up. Comments are also appreciated... Let's get involved here, peoples!!! So here... we... go!!!



On the 108th episode of LOST we were treated to an always frustrating Jack Shepherd centered episode. Man if this guy was ever supposed to embody the 'heroic' persona of this tale than he's the most annoying hero I've seen since the 'Subway' tuna sub I had last summer that left me with the shits for the weekend.

Our 'Flash Sideways' takes us into a day in the life of Jack-X who's living alone in Cali but has visitation rights with his teenage son 'David'. (Yet another biblically named Shepherd family member?) David kinda reminded me of the son of Marc Singer's character on the original 'V' who was taken by the Visitors when he was much younger and returned to his father after aging a bit. It was the strange faceless indescript face both young actors had. Creepy kids.

Who's the mom?Who's the mom!? So Jack-X has a weird moment in his bathroom pondering his appendix scar. Probably should have been pondering why his body hair is so oddly shaven, but nevertheless, he can't recall getting that dang appendix removed. Quick-thinking LOST geeks recall Juliet removing hat ruptured appendix for Jack 1.0 on the island fairly recently, but Jack-X is told by his momma that HIS appendix ruptured when he was 6 or 7. It might be worth noting that Christian-X wanted to do the procedure on his child but was stopped from doing so. By whom? Is this important at all or is it just to remind us that there are some specific differences still between Universe-X and Universe 1.0? All that aside, Jack-X is a lot calmer in this universe than his doppelganger. HE is the one soothing his mom as she gets frustrated looking for Christian Shepherd's last Will and Testament. He even passes up on another drink offer. This isn't like Jack 1.0, who would probably drink paint thinner if it were prepared properly. Especially

in dramatic times like these. He surely would have drank some of that 'McCutcheon' Mrs. Shepherd had on the liquor counter. (Notice the bottle?)

There was a funeral held for Christian-X in this universe. The funeral at which, according to Mrs. Shepherd, David was having a rough time at. Did Mrs. Littleton-X attend, though? No way to tell, yet, whether or not Jack-X had any knowledge of his half sister Claire-X before Margot-X finally found the will and inquired 'Did your father ever mention a 'Claire Littleton' to you?' ...Doh! Looks like some one's splitting their inheritance! David has snuck out while his his father was busy being an absentee dad, So Jack-X stops by the boy's mom's house to see if he went there while she was away. Who's the mom? Who's the MomMMmm!?

***Note the spare house key in the rabbit near the doormat. All this 'rabbit', 'Alice in Wonderland' 'Looking Glass' stuff always tends to pop-up in Jack centered episodes. (Side thought: The 'Looking Glass' Dharma complex was in a Jack centered episode with a rabbit as it's center emblem. Is it possible that each Dharma complex somehow corresponds to each of the 7 main 815ers that we now know are 'candidates'. I'd love to see that tied together somehow. Let's get back to some Dharma soon!)

A quick B&E into his ex's home and Jack-X finds out that his son has ducked out on Dad day for a youth piano competition in which he has been entered. David's a young piano virtuoso (to my standards) and has
neglected to tell his pop in fear of failing in front of him had he attended. Shades of the old Shepherd pep talk 'Maybe you don't have what it takes, son'. Christian's old line for him every time Jack tried to excel at something. Did you kids notice the sign outside the music hall 'Youth Conservatory...all CANDIDATES welcome' (a nod at Jack, one would think.)

Jack-X is proud of his son and so is another parent....the Other temple leader 'Dogen' or in this case 'Dogen-X' who apparently has a son of his own entered into the competition. This story builds up to a tearful moment in which Jack-X verbalizes to young David how proud he is and will always be of his son. Something Christian always fell short of with HIS boy. All-in-all, yet another happy 'Flash Sideways'. All is wine and roses in Universe-X it seems.

Back on the island in Universe 1.0, Jin is caught in Claire's (polar bear trap, his leg a bloody ham. Is it just me or do you kids also notice how graphic Lost is for a prime time network show? Behandings, bloody ham legs, people being mowed down in traffic. Is any other show on TV allowed to get away with this kinda stuff? Gruesome! Claire's as creepy as we imagined. That has come with 3 years of solitude and random torturing....um....err....'infection testing'. Now, not only is she going to sew Jin up and nurse him back to health but she's also nursing a make shift bay-bee in a bassinet complete with dead animal skull head, button eyes and doll body. Creeptastic!

Claire's been wiggin' out on her own the past 3 years with a little help from a 'friend' and her dad, one Christian Shepherd....DE-ceased! Claire interrogates her Other captive, Justin, wanting to know where her bay-bee is. 'Kate TOOK him!', Jin announces, in a bid to save this Other who's about to get the business end of Claire's tree choppin' axe. 'TOOK' Jin? 'TOOK' ...really? Really? I'm gonna blame Jin's dense knowledge of the Engrish language here, because surely there would have been a less harsh word to describe the whereabouts of a deranged, 'infected' crazy lady's only reason to stay alive on this bloody island. Too bad the revelation didn't help Other Justin, though. Justin...meet the business end.....Business end, this is Justin. Goodbye.

Jin recants his outburst with a lie: 'Kate didn't take Aaron' he exclaims. Jin saw Aaron himself back at the temple. This IS a lie, yes? What's Jin's angle here? Is he just hoping to get that bloody stump of his into the temple healing pool? Does he want to get Claire into a position in which she's outnumbered by friends? Speaking of 'friends' Did I mention who Claire's only friend of 3 years is? Ummmm THE SMOKE MONSTER! I would venture to guess that Smoke Monster has been manipulating Claire all this time in his Dr. Shepherd suit as well. Add crazy Claire to team Smoke Monster with Sawyer if you will...either way I guess we're seeing how Smokey might finally get on the temple grounds in the next coming weeks. With the help of his friend Claire and Gimpy Jin's secret entrance knowledge.

On a side note... How great is this 'Old Spice' commercial. "Look at your man. Now back to me. Now back at your man....now back to me! He isn't me"......"Look down. Now look up. Now look down! Where are you? You're on a boat!". I love this guy. This has become an integral part of LOST viewing for me. And you say you like to watch LOST on DVD without commercials? You're missing some good stuff, mister! Look, where am I ? I'm on a horse...

Sorry, back to the temple..... Hurley sees Jacob screwing around with the pool of life. Did he do anything to it. Looks like he's stirring around in it with a stick. Is he just pondering it's merkyness? Testing it's PH balance. I hate when the Smoke Monster pees in the community pool! Jacob's got a mission for the present head of the 815ers. Hurley, jot this shit down on your that side of beef you call a forearm. First you'll need to shut Dogen down by having him mind his own business because YOU'rrrrre a 'candidate' and YOoooooou can do as you please. Next locate the secret side entrance/exit. Than convince Jack to tag along by telling him Jacob says you have 'what it takes' (gulp, that hits home).

Done, done....aaAAAaaand Done!

Jack is reminding me a lot of Locke from season one. Sitting in solitude. Pondering. Eating island fruit. If he can just stay THIS way through just one whole episode. Just one hour long show! Jack and Hurley are off and first encounter Kate. (who'll you'll remember wasn't listed on the portions we saw of the cave ceiling as a
numbered candidate last week) Kate, who's flying solo in search of Claire. They catch each other up on....well...absolutely NOTHING they've learned while apart as per usual and go about their merry way.

Next stop. Adam and Eve cave, site of 815er camp #2 from season 1. Outside they find what Hurley suggests is Shannon's inhaler. (Foreshadowing of another former cast member's future appearance?)
Once inside the cave Hurley ponders the skeletal couple in relation to the passenger's time travel. What if some of them time travelled back to prehistoric times and died 'Dude, what if those skeleton's are us!?' (Wink). Jack is consumed with the coffin of his missing pop, though, and doesn't pay much attention to the probable genius that is Hurley's ramblings.

Enough reminiscing. Team Hurley-Jack is back out on their walk-about. Behold!! The lighthouse in all it's erect glory. (Shwing). Another quick B&E and the duo is inside. Atop the lighthouse rests the biggest revelation of the episode. An old skool pre-electric lighthouse homing device. Mirrors, pulleys, and a 360 point dial used to hail-in seaward ships. Hurley's arm inscription says to rotate the dial to 108 degrees to help lure in the next island visitor. As he does so, we the viewers realize that each point on the dial is marked with a lot of familiar names similar to the way names and numbers were assigned on the cave's ceiling in the previous episode. Fans will notice 2 majors names on that dial. Besides the #108 which is assigned to the crossed out candidate 'Wallace' who is the number Hurley is supposed to rotate to and presumably help manipulate to the island, there's also the name of one 'Austen'....Kate Austen #51!

Jack's not interested in those names and numbers SOoo much. What he is preoccupied by is that as Hurley yanks the lighthouse pulley system which spins the dial past it's candidate notations, the mirrors reveal images of the towns and specific structures attributed to the lives of said candidates. 42 KWON reveals what probably is Sun's parent's home, the site of her wedding to Jin. 15 FORD reveals what appears to be the
chapel whose steps one day sat a vengeful little James Ford writing his note to the real 'Sawyer'. 23 SHEPHERD....the family house in which Jack was raised!

Now here's where I wanted to jump up and punch Jack right in the TV screen. 'He's been watching us all this time...all of us?' Jack rages 'Why was he watching us??' Jack demands. And for a moment, Jack is back to
being Jack and eager to fuck shit up for everyone including us, the viewers, as we prepare to finally get a healthy dose of 'answers'. In an angry tirade, Jack destroys the mirrors. MUTHA FUCKA!!

Jack retires to the solitude of the cliff outside the lighthouse, staring out into the ocean. No doubt pondering more of this 'why me' bullshit. Both of which are again very reminiscent of the 'man of faith'...,John Locke, from seasons 1 and 2. Has Jack finally crossed the threshold of being purely a man of science...and now having a healthy dose of 'man of faith' in him? How far deep is that 'Man of Faith' IN him? None of this sounds very christian. Hurley however is back at the base of the lighthouse talking to his seemingly imaginary friend Jacob. Who makes it known that Mr.(Orrrr..Mrs.) 108 degrees (Wallace) will still make it to the island some other way. But, that this experience for Jack has been akin to Hurley encountering Jacob in the backseat of a cab. Some 'just need a little push' still. Or so it would seem. It's done wonders for Jack's belief system. Looks like we may have 2 recruits for team Jacob.

SCORE:
Team Smoke Monster=2
Team Dead Jacob=2

Another tie, just like in a game of LOST Island

TIC...TAC.....TOE

....a tie for them. But for me, I've just LOST.

Things I'm pondering:

• Who's this 'Wallace'? Is he really coming to the island even though his name is scratched out or was this all just a clever manipulation to make Hurley turn the dial in Jack's presence so that Jack could see what he saw? A little of both? If we're gonna seriously talk 'Wallace', my mind just thinks of the Scot William Wallace in 'BraveHeart' portrayed by Mel Gibson...and than I think of the Scot Desmond Hume. But, he's of clan 'Hume' not 'Wallace'...so there goes that theory.
• Who exactly does Claire think Smoke Monster/Locke is? She appears to see right through him as Sawyer did. Does she know he's the Smoke Monster? Does she know he shape-shifts? Fess up, bitch!...and If you get to the temple borrow Jack's comb. He's always got that shit parted like the red sea.
• Oh Kate, I didn't count you out. You have a number, it seems, as well. Maybe you're not a worthless ho-bag blowjob after all. #51....51!! Can you imagine watching LOST again from season 1 episode 1 and the number 51 has been just as prominent as all the other important numbers and we just weren't looking for it at the time? Mah Gawd. Somebody check that. I'm too exhausted.
• Jack-X realizes David is reading the childhood favorite 'Alice in Wonderland' and is in the middle of talking about 'Kitty and Snowdrop' Alice's BLACK kitten and WHITE kitten before cutting himself off. Later those kitten's are represented in the fantasy world Alice travels to as the Red and White Queens. Any thoughts?
• What's up with Jack-X's visitation rights? He sees David once every 2 months?! That's worse than weekends and holidays. Is Davey just exaggerating a bit to fuel his point that Jack-X is 'never' around for him. And just who is David's mom anyway? The 'X' version of the woman we knew to be Jack's ex-wife? Is it Juliet? Does it NOT matter?
• Here's a thought: Bodies on the island should be properly buried. Why? So that Smoke Monster doesn't get to them and use them to make meat suits for himself. Is it possible whomever those 2 skeletons in Cave Camp were, Smoke Monster has already used to embody himself in prior scenes were we thought all of the characters to be amongst the living. Could be anyBODY!
• Speaking of Davids. What about Hurley's imaginary bald friend Dave from his psycho ward days? I never really relived that episode since we are now led to believe that Hugo talks to the dead rather than has imaginary friends. Was Dave once a real living human? If so, is his body on the island somehow? Was Hurley speaking to a dead Dave or was the Dave we saw just the Smoke Monster in a Dave suit back than? Remember 'Dave' trying to prove something to Hurley by having him throw himself off of the cliff!? Sounds like that might be the handy work of a candidate killer to me. I CANNOT wait to watch all these older episodes after I finally find myself truly 'in the know'. I get giddy at the thought of actually knowing what I'm watching unfold every episode.
• It's beginning to appear as if the cave from last week wasn't Jacob's getaway at all, but the secret hideaway of the Smoke Monster himself. One might infer, from what we saw this week, that Smoke Monster has been making regular pit stops at Jacob's lighthouse memorizing the names of the candidates as Jacob marks them down on the dial...than flying back to his hole in the wall and writing those names and numbers on the ceiling to begin the slow takeover of each said candidate. After all this was Jacob's 'light' house we were in this week. Wouldn't it make sense that last week we were in Smokey's 'dark' cave.

Next week is the episode that has ANSWERS. Next week!? How many questions do you suppose they'll pose for each answer they deliver. I'll say 100 to every 1.

-JB

Throw Back Thursday Vol. #5

Throwback Thursday will be a little trip back down memory lane in four different genres of music that I love... hope you enjoy my picks!!!

Rap - Method Man - Bring The Pain


RnB - Shai - If I Ever Fall In Love


80's Rock - Squeeze - Up The Junction


Reggae - Mad Lion - Shoot To Kill


Enoy the tunes on your way to work today!!!!

Here's AN Oldie But Goodie: Drunk Dick Gets Knocked Out By Female Olympian Gymnast

Being that the Winter Olympics are going on, I remember a really great clip I watched on Youtube a few years back. I absolutely love stories like this. Alicia Sacramone was a member of the Silver Medal gymnastics squad at The Bejing, Olympics. She is one of the rare gymnasts who is actually attractive and seems to have some sembelance of a life away from gymnastics. Right around the time of the Olympics (August 2008) a clip began to fly around the internet, but it wasn't of Alicia catching a flip of the horse or doing a floor routine. No, it took place at a party at Brown University. Alicia describes what happens in the clip as typical teenage behavior. Guy gets drunk, says something stupid. Chick tells him she could knowck him out. Guy laughs at chick, sticks out his chin, and says take your best shot. Chick, who happens to be a world class olympian who happens to have a -6% bodyfat, throws a left hook that would make Tyson proud. She connects with guys chin, guy stumbles, and promptly hits the floor... COMPLETELY KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT!!! This is an absolutely real clip... just to prove this, I have also included an actual intro piece done about Alicia by a news reporter before the olympics in which she discusses "The Punch". If you have seen this video before, your welcome for bringing back for your viewing pleasure. If you have never seen it... well, get ready to thank me. By the way, the rest of the news clip shows that Alicia is a mad cool chcik who seems to be down to earth. Good luck in everything you do from here on out. Maybe female UFC???

Million Dollar Super- Baby by James West

That’s right, Action Comics #1, which starred the first appearance of Superman, has sold for 1 Million dollars, breaking last year’s record of $317,000. The craziest part? It’s not even the best issue in existence. On the comics grading scale, it’s actually in worse condition than another copy known to exist. The owner of that copy also has the best-graded Detective Comics #27 (First appearance of Batman). Hmm…in 72 years, it went from 10 cents to a million dollars. Looks like I’ll be paying my grandson’s tuition with Pokemon cards…

Sneaker Freak Vol. #3 - Nike SB Dunk High QS "Lost: Oceanic Airlines"

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Anybody who is a fan of the hit TV show Lost knows that the doomed flight that took our beloved "Losties" down to the island was Oceanic Flight 815. The dreaded flight left Sydney, Australia bound for LAX airport in California. Judging from the immense popularity of the show, it safe to say you know they never quite made it there. Well, they kinda did, but only after time traveling... but then they wanted to go back, so they time jumped again... but then... ahhh, forget about the crazy timeline of the show. Lets focus on the kicks  inspired by the worst airline in history:

Let me start by saying that these kicks are not my faves when it comes to the colorways. They are a little to colorful, even for me. When I Nike IDed a pair of Air Max 97's at the Nike Studio, I made "Lost Inspired" Sneakers as well. But I went for the jungle theme, using a bunch of browns and greens. These puppies are using the colors of the Oceanic Logo above, and in that case the colors are appropriated well.

The sneaker features what Nike calls Chlorine and Germaine Blue and have a white swoosh. The one thing I hate about Dunks is when the midsole is white on a sneaker that is mad colorful. This does not happen here. Nike gets this one right by making the midsole dark blue as well. The kicks come with white and pink laces... I perfer the white laces. But the craziest part about these kicks is the insoles. The feature maps of Sydney, Australia and Los Angeles, California... the original departure and destination points of Flight 815. Wow... the little things really matter. A cool homage to a really cool show. Below are some more detailed shots. You can order, or try to order these from Martini Skate and Snow. The link is below. If not, check Ebay and Flight Club. Now get out there and cop some kicks!!!!

 

Here is the link for these kicks as well as anything you may need for skating or snowboarding... check it out!!!
http://www.martiniskateandsnow.com/

Sevz Cru Presents: Where Are They Now ??? Dancing Baby Edition

You ever catch yourself watching Vh1's Where Are They Now while you sit at home. The show downright amazes me. We often forget just how big something is when it's at the apex of it's popularity. Was Milli Vannili really that popular??? How much money did the cast of Family Ties make per episode??? It baffles your mind as you are taken back to a time when the subject of the documentary was on top of the world. These docs often contain the epic rise to stardom, the eventually fall from grace, and on occassion you get a redemption story. More often then not though, it's just bad, bad, bad. How some of these people fuck up such good oppurtunities, I'll have no idea... but it does make for good TV.

Way back in 1996, the internet was still young. It was a far cry from todays technologically savy people that includes everyone from ages 5 to 95. One of the only things that people did on the net back then was emails, and the majority of those emails were junk videos of crazy sht fowarded amongst friends. The Dancing Baby became a internet phenom, Hooked On A Feeling blaring out of your computer while he busted some moves. The Baby even crossed over to the mainstream, becoming a central character in Calista Flockheart's halucinations on Ally McBeal. He was featured on The Simpsons, Celebrity Deathmatch, and Millennium... the Baby was on top of the world. But what ever happen to that adorable baby as he grew up with all that money and fame??? Vh1 never had the guts to tell that story, but my boys over at Sevz Cru Studios felt that his story needed to be told. Get ready for the wild ride that is Where Are They Now: Dancing Baby edition... enjoy!!!

Beyonce and Jay: The Couple That Choreographs Together, Stays Together

Beyonce and Jay-Z are the biggest celebrity couple on the planet earth right now. They are both huge superstar celebrities, and they both have become extremely great performers over their respective careers. But they are an intensly private couple, and over the years they have been cautious not to share too much information about their relationships with the public. But little by little, that is begining to change. At the Grammys, Beyonce thanked her husband from the podium, something they NEVER EVER DO. Then we have this interview with British TV host Johnathan Ross. Jay dishes on being married to Miss B, how they spent their Valentines Day, and even the input that they have on each others career. Jay goes on to tell Ross that he is responsible for the "Uh-Oh" dance from Crazy in Love and the "Hand Waving Dance" from Put A Ring On It, two of Beyonce's biggest singles. I'm sure he is kidding around, but maybe he is telling the truth. Can you imagine Hova and B, sitting home on on Tuesday in their livingroom, working out new routines and battling each other on the dance floor... that would be hilarious. Below is the whole clip of Jays interview on Johnathan Ross. Hope these two stay together, and I feel they will because they don't let the public all up in their lives. Jay liked it, then he put a ring on it... sorry fellas, looks like Lady B is spoken for and quite happy!!! It's good to see couples like this making it in this day and age.

DVD Release for Tuesday February 23, 2010

This week is a pretty slow release week. Not much really going on. These are the weeks that I usually work on picking up some classics or a box set that I can find for a good price. But this is whats coming out.

The Jersey Shore - Season 1 Uncensored

I became a bigger fan of this show as it continued through its run. At first glance, I thought the guys were going to be huge toolbags and make me sick. But in reality, they were hugely understated and funny. The girls are vomit inducing with their attitudes, but all in all the show was engrossing and kept me interested. The talks are that the show will be moving to The Hamptons or South Beach for Season 2, trying to play on the old fish out of water clesche... but in reality MTV might ruin a great show because this crew won't be just right anywhere but New Jersey. Looking foward to seeing the show uncensored, hoping that this will make me like the show even more. GTL, The Situation, Jumping on Grenades, Snooki get laid out... can't wait to do it all again!

The Box - (Frank Langella, Cameron Diaz, James Marsden Directed by Richard Kelly)

This is a pretty good idea for a movie that was adapted from a short story, but this story has already been made into a Twilight Zone episode. As with most short stories, the problem that Kelly runs into is that the source material is too brief. What would you do if a stranger showed up to your house with a mysterious box, told you that if you pressed the button that someone somewhere would die, and then you would get 1 million dollars, free and clear. Good question, tough decision... this is what faces Marsden and Diaiz. Set against the backdrop of the 1970's space program and the constant ethical questions that dog us everyday, the film is pretty good. It's not better the Donnie Darko, which is Kelly's best work. Frank Langella steals the movie as Arlington Steward, the man with The Box and without a portion of his face. He is creepy and makes the decision process harder to make. Would you take the money... ???

Other Notable Releases: Ichi the Killer (Blue Ray), Cirque de Freak: The Vampires Assistant, FlashFoward Season 1 part 1, The Informant, Nurse Jackie season 1

Now get out there and buy some movies!!!!!

Hahahaha... Fuck You Canada!

Fuck You Canada... Long live the USA. For the first time in 50 years the USA beat Canada in an Olympic hockey match. Even though there was no medals being awarded and the two teams will probably have to play each other again at some point, it is good to finally get over the hump and smack these cannucks up on the ice. The USA and Canadian teams are the only two teams in the Olympics that feature all NHL players on their rosters, and Canada has NHL golden child Sydney "Syd the Kid" Crosby on their roster. We will check back on this rivalry some time in the next week when they run it back, this time with medal ramifications. And on a final note, Canada may not be good for much, but they did give us this photo below, and that is good enough for me. Maybe Canada isn't so bad... If all the chicks look like these two, I'd bet more then a few Americans would make their way to the Great White North...lol!

HBO's Next Big Sunday Show: Welcome To NYC!!!

TNT may know drama, but HBO knows how to make your Sunday night much less depressing. Instead of hating Sunday night as the last chance to relax before you begin your work week, HBO has long been ending our weekends with exciting programs that we can't wait to watch. I am a huge fan of HBO programming, and I give every show they come out with a shot. With there track record they deserve it. The Sopranos, Sex In The City, 6 Feet Under, Entourage, Trueblood, Rome and Carnivale have been some of my favorite shows ever. But lately they have been hit or miss. I didn't really like Bored To Death, despite the fact that I love the cast (Ted Dason, Jason Schwartzman, Zack Galifinakasfraddh... u know, the Hangover guy) and The Number 1 Ladies Detective Agency was awful. So when I saw a preview for the new show How To Make It In America, I was kind of excited. Was HBO about to get back on track?

The show is a look into two up and coming kids trying to make it in NYC. Bryan Greenberg and Victor Rasuk play Ben and Cam, two lifelong friends who don't want to live their lives conventionally. They wanna make money, and they want to be famous. How are they gonna do that??? Well, thats the question. They hope that their ecclectic group of friends from various social circles in NYC help them reach a certain level of success. This is where HBO knocks it out of the park. The supporting cast of the show is great. Luis Guzman is Cam's ganster cousin Renee, who lends them the money to start their denim company. Lake Bell is Ben's ex, who no matter how hard he tries he can't get away from. Rapper Kid Cudi checks in as Domingo, a downtown hipster whose girlfriend knows EVERYBODY who is ANYBODY in the fashion world. One of my favorite little known actressses, Shannyn Sossamon plays Gingy, a art dealer who comes from a rich family but wants to be successful on her own. And Eddie Kaye Thomas, Fich from American Pie, plays Kappo, a hedge manager who wants to be down with the cool kids. It's the supporting cast that steal the show and make Greenberg and Rasuk shine on the screen. Throw in a solid production team that was behind Entourage, as well as great music and NYC locations and well, it looks like HBO has a hit on their hands. Make sure you check out How To Make It In America on Sunday nights at 10pm, or set the DVR to record it and catch up later.

And The Award For Sickest Movie Ever Made Goes To...

On Saturday night, Tara, Jeff, Brianna and myself ventured into Manhattan to catch a midnight movie. Some of the theaters in the city show special screenings of cult classic movies at midnight on Friday and Saturday. This week Sunshine Cinemas decided to show the much maligned Cannibal Holocaust, and Italian horror movie that is considered to be one of the sickest films ever committed to celluoid. The scenes of death and dismemberment were so lifelike that the director, Ruggero Deodato, was actually arrested and charged with murdering his actors on the set. This really happened... no bullshit. He was later aquitted when he brought the supposedly dead actors to court to testify on his behalf, but the prosecution was still appalled by the film. The charges were dropped but new charges of animal cruelty were filed in its place. All in all, the court circus took over three years to sort out. But that doesn't do jack shit to explain just how sick this movie is. And that brings me to a serious thought...

Just who the fuck are the sick bastards who think this shit up??? I am a huge horror fan, and usually the sicker the scenes the more I enjoy it. I was watching movies like Texas Chainsaw Massacre and I Spit On Your Grave while most kids my age were still getting their Carebears on. Directors like Tobe Hooper and Sam Raimi are what got me through my childhood, guiding me with their sick world perspectives. Yet as crazy as these guys are, did anyone ever stop to think: How fucked up must these maniacs be to write this crazy shit??? I have ponder this thought many times, but after viewing Cannibal Holocaust I am truly scared to admit that there has to be something REALLY, REALLY wrong with Ruggero Deodato. Why you ask??? Oh, let me count the ways. Here is my top 5 reasons why: 

1. 
   
   1 - Amount of times a empolyee at the movie theater told me I was crazy for seeing a screening of a movie. You know something is wrong when the cinema buff behind the counter complements you on your Death Proof T-Shirt, professes his love for Tarantino/Rodriguez's Grindhouse double feature as the best movie of the last decade, then gags when you ask him about Cannibal Holocaust. He gagged, looked away, and told me I was better then him cause he would never see such sick shit. Great start.
2. 
   
   2- The amount of times I actually almost vomitted during the film. When they cut open a Sea Turtle, remove the shell, and proceded to eat the stomach linings, I almost lost my MacBar Mac n Cheese. Then, when the camera crew proceeded to run a train on a native chick in the mud, I actually got sick to my stomach. I have seen simulated rape scenes... that is not what this was. If these guys were professional actors, they were at least semi-professional rapists. Really disturbing.
3. 
   
   3 - Amount of rapes that take place in this movie. But here is the kicker... not one straight up rape scene. No, that would be to boring... a sick fuck like Deodato couldn't be so passe. So we instead get blessed with these gems. First, a native chick gets raped with a rock dildo by a native warrior...till her Vag bleeds. Then he makes a mud ball, adds broken bone fragments to it, then sticks that inside the girl. True story. Then we get the aforementioned camera crew rape scene... not much more to say on that one. But for his piece de resistance, Deodato has saved the best for last. The natives turn the tables on the camera crew, and once they get ahold of the female member of the crew they gang rape the shit out of her, the rip her apart and eat her. Stay Classy, San Diego....
4. 
   
   4 - Amount of hours I was up for this morning before Tara would speak to me. 4 Fucking Hours... she was really pissed at me. She actually started to cry after we got in the car, and told me she was so fucking mad at me she could smack me. She also told me that if I ever brought the movie up to her in conversation, she would stab me. Needless to say, she is not a huge fan of Deodato or Italian Cannibal flicks.
5. 
   
   5 - Actual wild animals that get butchered on camera. First, as Jeff would say, a mouserat (muskrat) get a switchblade to the throat. Then the sea turtle... not even gonna think about that one again. Then a monkey get his head chopped off, Temple of Doom style. Then a snake gets machetted after it bites the tour guides foot. To finish of the animal cruelty portion of the film, a piglet gets shot in the face while tied to a stake.  

So, that brings me to my question. Just how sick can a guy like Deodato really be??? If he filmed these crazy ass scenes, all these rape and animal abuse filled scenes, without falling over and puking his brains out, then what does that say about him. My guess is that his middle name is Lucifer and he is a demon incarnate... but even that doesn't do this crazy fuck justice. You know your fucked up when Stephen King is used as example as someone who is not as crazy as you... Stephen King is fucking shot!!! Yet, if you ask me, he is a choir boy compared to Deodato. Deodato was supposed to be at the film last night, and I was psyched to meet him. But thank god he wasn't there, cause Tara might have took a stantion and smacked him with upside the head with it for mind-raping her. It would have been ugly.

Whats the sickest movie you ever saw??? What repulsed you the most??? Leave a comment... can't wait to here what you guys have to say. oh, and PS - Never watch Cannibal Holocaust if you wanna maintain your innocence... ever... ever!!!

SNL Throwback Of The Week #4 2/19/2010

I am a huge Saturday Night Live fan. One of my earliest memories was of my parents watching SNL every Saturday while we were tucked in our bedrooms, and sometimes being allowed to watch for a bit. The show has gone through its ups and downs over its 35 year run, but the fact that it is still on the air after 35 years is a testament to the staying power of the show. Lorne Michaels is a genius at finding and developing young, comedic talent. SNL has produced a bevy of stars over the years, from Eddie Murphy to Tina Fey. The show is doing well again thanks to Ms. Fey and the rest of the team, but I love watching clips from the old shows. Every Saturday I will give you guys one of my favorites. This weeks clip features the one and only Eddie Murphy. Mr. Murphy has not made funny films as of late, but back in the day he was hysterical!!! This skit, Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood, is a spoof of Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood. True genius, this is vintage SNL. Hope you guys enjoy the clip... Live, from my livingroom, it's Saturday night!!!

It's Saturday: Lets All Go To The Movies!!! Volume 4

 

OK, OK... you made it through another week. And even though the weekend starts at 5 pm on Friday, most of us really don't start to enjoy our weekend until Saturday morning. Waking up and not having to go to the hell hole of a job that you occupy during the week is a relief of epic proportions. You can do whatever you want, and usually for me that involves wanting to hit up a movie theater at some point. The reasons why its a great idea to go to the movies are endless, but one reason I like it is that its a short term event (like 2,3 hours tops) that you can fit in anytime during a busy weekend. We all know whats playing at the Multiplex... everyday we are bombarded with ad's for movies in the newspaper, on the train, and on the radio. My then 3 year old son used to ask me what the date was, and when I would tell him, he would then immediately shout out the big movie that was opening that week. But in most cities across the US, there are alternative/boutique type theaters that show mostly independent and revival films. The independents are cool, but the revival films are the best. What better way to relive your childhood then seeing "Gremlins" on the big scree en after 20 years. Or maybe getting a chance to see something at the movies that you weren't around to see during it's original run. Either way it's a great activity for day or night. Here was going on in movies this week. Enjoy the fresh popcorn !!!

 

Opening Februaury 19th:

 

Shutter Island (Scorcese directed, starring Leonardo Dicaprio), The Ghost Writer (Roman Polanski directs, starring Ewan Mcgregor and Pierce Brosnan), The Good Guy, Happy Tears, Lourdes

Independent/International Releases:

Harlem Hostel, Blood Done Sign My Name

Special Screenings:

• Starship Troopers starring Casper Van Dien and Denise Richards, Directed by Paul Verhoeven showing at MIDNIGHT only over @ IFC Center (212) 924-7771
• Winning Time: Reggie Miller Vs. The New York Knicks (documentary) will be showing @ IFC Center on Tuesday Feb. 23rd at 8:15 pm 
• Survival of the Dead, the newest film written and directed by George Romero will have one scheduled showing @ The Film Society of Lincoln Center Saturday Feb. 20th at 9:15 PM (212) 875-5600

Pick of the Week:

The One and Only... The most SHOCKING Movie EVER FILMED!!! The movie that started the documentary style horror genre made famous by The Blair Witch Project. When this movie came out in 1980, it was banned in its home country of Italy as well as Britain and Canada... all because they thought director Ruggero Deodato really killed actors during filming!!! This movie is playing @ Landmark Sunshine Cinemas tonight at 12:05 ONLY. Deodato is rumored to be attending the showiing, so this will be a great experience. (212)-330-8182.

The Comic Pull List: 2/19/2010 by James West

The Comics Pull List:

If You’re Not Reading These, Well, You Should Be

DC:

DC is absolutely knocking everything they touch out of the ballpark right now. But, I kinda wanna keep this short, so I have to narrow it down to a few titles:

1)-Blackest Night

Everyone’s talking about it, and with good reason. Geoff Johns’ Green Lantern zombie catastrophe is shaking things up for the DCU, and in a good way, not in a “Okay we get it, things will be different after this, get on with it” way. Following in the footsteps of recent DC epics (The insanely good Identity Crisis, Infinite Crisis, and 52, along with the “meh” Final Crisis”, everything’s shaken up for the Earth’s heroes, as every hero, villain, and other prominent characters that have died have been brought back to life by the Black Lantern Corps. With all the tie-in’s, it provides for some really interesting stories, one of my favorites being the Batman tie-in where Dick Grayson and Tim Drake have to destroy their own parents with the help of Deadman and Etrigan the Demon. The whole story doesn’t focus on just Green Lantern, although he is a major player: The Atom, the Flash, and Wonder Woman also play key roles, as they each get inducted into different corps themselves, amongst others. This is concluding in about a month or so, and I’m looking forward to seeing which heroes and villains will be brought back to life, or will stay dead.

2) Batman and Robin

Grant Morrison’s take on the Batman mythos has certainly been a breath of fresh air. By having Dick Grayson take up the mantle as Batman, and Bruce’s maniacal, conniving, and slightly evil son Damien take up the role as Robin, the interplay is fun as hell to watch. With a light-hearted, but determined, Batman, and a Robin who is constantly sarcastically criticizing everything his mentor does, the book acts as a half a comedy. However, the action provides a well balanced book, along with plenty of character development as both Batman and Robin deal with the loss of their father, both figuratively and literally.



Runner’s Up: Red Robin, Flash: Rebirth, Green Lantern, Green Lantern Corps



Marvel:

Marvel’s got a bunch of tricks of their own up their sleeves. Starting with Avengers: Disassembled a couple of years back, the Marvel U has been a never ending stream of events, where the good guys just can’t ever seem to win. However, that’s all changing this year as Marvel enters the “Heroic Age”: basically, everything’s going to get better.

1) Seige

This is it. The final part of the saga started by Brian Michael Bendis with Avengers: Disassembled, which continued through House of M, Civil War, The Initiative, Secret Invasion, and now Dark Reign, is being released. Basically, ever since Ragnarok, everyone thought Thor, along with the other Asgardians (and Asgard itself) were destroyed. But, Asgard reappeared on Earth, as a giant floating city in the Midwest, with Thor in tow. After assembling all the Asgardians, who had been disguised as humans, everything seemed to be working out again. Now, however, Norman Osborn plans on leading an invasion of Asgard, and it’s up to Earth’s heroes to finally re-unite once again to stop him.






2) Guardians of the Galaxy

Probably not the most important book at Marvel, but it is undoubtedly my favorite. It’s classic space adventures, exploring the depths of the universe just as much as the history of Marvel’s space heroes. I can’t say enough good things about this book. I’ll just sum it up with two words: Rocket. Raccoon.

 
 
 
Go out and support your local mom and pop comic stores... comics are not just for kids, they are for everyone!!!!
 
 
 
 
 

Lost Recap Season 6 Episode 4 'The Substitute' by Jeff Bond

The Substitute.......Or as I like to call it 'Best Episode of LOST Ever!!'


Quick, what's better than James 'Sawyer' Ford this season? James 'Sawyer' Ford this season with John 'Smoke Monster' Locke in tow. Or was it really John 'Smoke Monster' Locke doing the towing? Either way a MAGNIFICENT episode coming off the heels of last weeks filler nonsense in which Sawyer died 4times....

Let's get to it shall we? We have LOTS of ground to cover. Starting with......

Ilana sitting in the the foot of the fallen statue weeping at the loss of her leader Jacob and the rest of her fellow 'foot' soldiers. In walks Ben who excuses his intrusion. Ilana collects herself and questions Ben as to what happened. Ben, seemingly back to his old manipulative ways, bends the truth in his own favor and reports that Locke turned into a sexy stream of black smoke and partyed on her boys and than kicked Jacob's shit into the fire. No mention of ANY wrong-doing on Ben's part. Ilana scurries over to the fire pit where Ashy Jacob's remnants are and collects some of him up in a her little velvet weed pouch.

Ilana now joins the leftover Ajira peeps outside the relic and suggests they bury Locke. Let me just go on record as saying 'It's about friggin' time!' I wouldn't care if it was my most hated adversary laying rotting on the beach like that, I'd still suggest burying him....or at least covering him up with a palm tree branch or something. Stinky bald eyesore! They drag our fallen misguided hero back to the area of the beach where they 'bring out (their) dead'....and bury them. They then proceed to toss him in an open grave pit like a rag doll. Ilana suggests a eulogy and Ben's got a doozy: "I knew John Locke, he was a believer. A man of faith...and he was a much better man than I will EVER be..... And I am very sorry I MURDERED HIM!" (Cue awkward stares from the on-lookers)

There's always the 'right' crowd around for the 'right' occasion it seems. Had Jack and Sayid been present here, Ben would have at least had to pick his teeth out of his chewing gum when they were done pounding on him. But instead we get curious looks as if Ben just announced he peed himself. Get that guy! He killed Locke!!Ilana says they need to catch up with the rest of the island folk 'cause Smokey he's in a recruitin' mood.

Meanwhile back in Universe-X, John Locke-X is still livin' it up as only the paraplegic other-worlders can do. He's got wedding plans with his lady love, Helen-X, who mentions Locke-X's dad as if in this Universe, Daddy-X never pushed his ass out a building window. That fall in which was responsible for crackin' a brutha's spine in a place or two.

Locke-X is still being mistreated by 'big douche' Randy-X who fires him after he finds out Locke had shirked business duties on his excursion to Sydney. This trip, by the way, is the one he was busy NOT going to the fabled Walkabout on. Fuckin' liar! I trusted you this time!! I knew this cracker was lyin' but I decided to trust him anyway. Lyin' ass Cracker!!

Que to the parking lot where Locke-X runs into the box companies' owner Hurly-X who offers to place him into a new line of work via a temp agency also owned by Hurly-X. The companies' supervisor is none other than....bum bum bum......Rose-X!

Rose-X confirms that her cancer is still growing after her return from Sydney and that John-X should stop trying to do things he CAN'T and just let himself be placed in a job appropriate for him and start getting on with his life as SHE has.

John-X, however, has that pesky business card of Jack-X burning a whole in his pocket- protector and contemplates getting himself poked and prodded by Jack-X, yet another doctor, so that he and Helen-X can truly be happy together.

Helen-X isn't haven' any of THAT and rips up the business card, in a true testament of her love for him. Will destiny intercede and bring Dr. Jack Shepherd-X to their doorstep anyway? Will Helen-X contract the same cancer-X that killed her doppelganger? Stay tuned true believers.

Panning now to Locke-X placed in his new job....Substitute teacher of a junior high school. Here Locke-X encounters his new co-worker Benjamin Linus-X..who's a European History teacher...and is anal about his coffee...not in an enema type of way, but anal nonetheless.

Is this right? How the hell is Ben in Universe-X? Where did we see him last in 1977 before the 'Incident' sent our path forking into 2 seperate realities. Anybody? Anybody??

Saving the juiciest for last, back near New Otherton, Smoke E. Monster is on the prowl SANS Locke-suit to a 'Stooges' tune. He hovers around a bit in a cool first person p.o.v that puts you, the viewer, in his shoes...er um...smoke. Gotta love it! Smokey stops to retake Locke form and release Richard from a Roussieu like trap, where he's been stashed, to give him another chance to be recruited. Richard refuses and asks him why he's posing as John Locke. Monster/Locke replies that he needed to take the form of a 'candidate' in order to get in to see Jacob (part of the 'loophole'?) This Monster/Locke is pretty forthcoming, not like his elusive adversary Jacob 'What ABOUT you, Ben?' Jacobsen. I like this Smoke Monster! Do you like this Smoke Monster? Show of hands for team Smoke Monster, everybody!

Richard looks as if he's a victim of spousal abuse. I'm just sayin'.

Richard says a few things that leads me to believe that he doesn't know ALL the islands secrets like I had hoped...but just a little more than Ben. Yet another person being kept in the dark by Post-it notes and chicanery. Monster/Locke wonders aloud why yet another relatively smart person follows someone he's never met for reasons he doesn't know. Says Richard should join him instead. Sounds like a plan to me. Monster/Locke is distracted by a cute blonde boy (holla!) whose drippin' blood from his palms in the distance. (Cute, young and bloody just like he likes 'em). Richie CAN'T see blonde boy, but takes the opportunity to make a break for it and Monster/Locke sets up his recruitment center, instead, at the would-be home of James 'Sawyer' Ford.

James has been hittin' the bottle and blastin' the aforementioned apocalyptic Iggy & The Stooges jam tryin' to dull the pain of the loss of Juliet. Apparently he's been sitting in his boxers for quite some time...not even getting up for bathroom breaks. You see that full dirty diaper he was walking around with? Diz-Gustin'. That oughta make you Sawyer gals jump to team Jack once and for all.

A few classic Sawyer lines later...

Monster/Locke has no recruitment issues in this instance. Monster/Locke tells Ford he can answer the biggest question of them all if he comes with him:

'Why are you on this island?'

....and with that, James is happy to oblige, but mostly just because James doesn't care about much of anything anymore.

The new duo head out and bump into first Richard (again) who has a last minute scooby doo style turn-back-now 'he's going to kill everyone' wmessage for Ford. Just then blonde boy (hollar!) pops up. The blonde boy whom apparently Ford CAN see. Blonde Boy reminds Monster/Locke that he can't kill 'him'...and that he knows the 'rules'.

A few more classic Sawyer lines than......

They press on. Ford has the opportunity to GAT BLAST Monster/Locke. Monster/Locke has the opportunity to let Ford drop into the sea, but they don't because they like the chemistry they have goin'. A real Bro-mance. ('Smoke-mance' maybe?)

They've arrive at the destination. This is what Smokey says is Jacob's man cave (hollar!). A quick stop to discard a small white rock and tip the scales in favor of the small black rock, literally,..... than the big reveal:

A cave ceiling with 100's maybe thousands of potential 'candidate' names. People, Smokey says, Jacob has been manipulating toward the island for what we can only expect is for 100's maybe 1000's of years. Persons Jacob is weeding through to find his own replacement in a move I can only describe as Willy Wonka on crack (and if you seen the movie 'Charlie & the Chocolate Factory' you know it ALREADY IS on crack!) The candidate's names have been discarded 1 by 1. Now only 6 remain.....numbered for cataloging purposes:

4-Locke (gulp)
8-Reyes (double gulp)
15-Ford (gasp)
16-Jarrah (double gasp)
23-Shepherd (SHRIEK!)
42-Kwon (Oh...my....god!)

The numbers. THE numbers! Attached to the names. THE NAMES! The numbers and the names! (singing and dancing)

This is all starting to fall into place. Reminiscent of some season 2 'button-pushing' debates, Smokey insists there's nothing special about the island but Jacob is fool bent on protecting it and finding a new protector to proceed him. Ford is bewildered as Smokey crosses off another of the six left...#4 John Locke who is now dead and buried and 'out of play'. Monster/Locke offers James three very simple yet different choices for Sawyer.

1) Do Nothing (sounds easy enough) ...but maybe find himself crossed off the ceiling one day as well. (Gulp)
2) Perform fellatio....er um...Jacob's job on the island and protect it! (from what?!)
3) 'We just go home'.....as in Cartman's "Screw you guys...I'm goin' home"

"The island is nothing special.''Smokey says.

Sooooo the talking dust cloud that took the form of the recently departed island dweller, on an island with tropical polar bears, time travel wheels, cancer and paralysis cures, fertility and infertility issues, unnavigable surrounding waters and skies, magic boxes, pirate ships, 100s of year old inhabitants, ......(phew)...takes a moment to stress to James that there's 'NOTHING SPECIAL ABOUT THE ISLAND....it's just an island'. Are you friggin' kidding me!? What's next? What's next!? WHAT'S NEXT?!?

Monster/Locke, apparantly had James Ford 'at hello',as Renee Zelweger might say, because before Monster/Locke could finish the 3 options, James is all 'let's go'.....I can't wait to see if Sawyer will put Smokey in the front basket of his bicycle and fly him acrossed the island moonlight.

Things I'm pondering:

• Could Jacob's ashes have ANYTHING to do with these ashes the 'Foot' Soldiers use to sprinkle perimeters to keep Smoke Monster at bay? This may not be the first time Jacob or one of the previous island's protectors perished by the flame in this manner and we know Smoke Monster can't lay a hand on Jacob himself. So why not use Jacob's own ashes to ward him off? Things that make you go hmmmmm.
• That better have been a small sand crab and not one of those Nicki and Paolo paralysis spiders scurrying away from Locke's beach corpse. There's already plenty of pseudo Lockes running around. I'm not in favor of real Locke surprisingly regaining consciousness before he's fully buried alive. Shoo with that theory, folks. Shoo Shoo!
• Notice the 'whooooshy' airplane noises in between scene flashes have been replaced by the more ominous Smoke Monster rickety roller coaster noises? Why come? Is it at all possible we're seeing a Smoke Monster 'flash-sideways' and not a John Locke one? (???)
• The dingy broad at Hurly-X's temp agency asking Locke-X Myspace bulletin questions was Lynn Karnoff, the fortune teller, from the Hurly-centric 3rd season episode 'Tricia Tanaka is Dead'. If you recall ('cause I didn't) she's the fortune teller who tries to lift Hurly's curse but is easily bribed by him to satisfy his Dad, Cheech Marin.
• In a response that can only be expressed as unstable and out of character for 'it/him', Smoke Monster (in the John Locke suit) yells Locke's catch phrase 'Don't tell me what I CAN'T do!' at the shows new mysterious blonde boy who's rehashing the island rules. Is it just me or is John Locke's personality taking over Smoke Monster a bit in a way we're expecting Smoke Monster to be taking over Sayid back at the temple? Probably just me.
• The dialogue between Monster/Locke and Richard in which he tries to recruit him wondering why someone would follow someone they can't see or doesn't interact in any way with reminds me of the blind faith of followers of Jesus and God. That would kinda indirectly dictate the Smoke Monster is the Devil, Satan himself, in this equation.
• Which KWON does the ceiling's number 42 apply to Sun or Jin? Vote NOW!
• I saw 'Littleton' written and crossed out. Indication that she has died or has been taken out of the running because of the infection. Does this mean 'Jarrah' is right behind her in her ousting? What other names did you notice on the ceiling? Let's get a nice list going.
• Who does blonde boy want to remind Monster/Locke he can't kill? Jacob for good? Sawyer because he's a candidate? Blonde Boy himself? Richard?
• The big new question will undoubtedly be 'Why was Kate's name not visible on the cave ceiling?' Does Kate not fit into this grand plan whatsoever? Although probably regarded as one of the show's top 5 regulars, she was not give a priority number on the cave ceiling. She may not even have any reason to be on that island at all other than to fuck shit up. Does this ultimately make her less important to the show's mythos or will she have a grander role to play than we could ever have imagined? What's your guess?
• Is Monster/Locke lying to Sawyer? Could he possibly be telling the truth? Can we start believing anything we hear yet??

God I'm just ......................Lost!

- JB

PS: Any 'Substitute' title meanings? Who or what are all the substitutes in this week's episode, class?

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